If I was back in college and contemplating a long distance relationship, I would probably shy away from it. I remember myself as wild, irresponsible, and definitely not ready for any commitment during that phase. A majority of my time was occupied with life lessons that made me who I am today. I remember the excitement about leaving my parent’s house and looking forward for all the experiences I knew were coming my way!
Would I enter a relationship over distance again if it happened after college years? I certainly wouldn’t be happy about it, but yes, I would do it again 🙂
If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing – timing, but timing’s a bitch. – Robin Scherbatsky
I believe in creating the perfect partnership, if two people meet at the right time. For me, that time came much after finishing the college.
But how are you supposed to know if the timing is suitable to continue your relationship while both of you (or one of you) are in post secondary education?
Let me tell you: no one entering a LDR is excited or happy about it. When the person is right for you, you forget the timing factor. You throw away your previous plans and go for it because you don’t have any other choice.
The good part about LDRs in college is that you know the end date for your LDR before you decide to get the ball rolling. Also, you might have some history together during the high school years (which will help you evaluate if continuing the relationship is a good idea).
Some questions you should ask each other before deciding if you should continue your relationship:
Why would you have a long distance relationship when you are in college? You won’t be able to enjoy the intimacy, will have to trust unconditionally and find the way to enjoy your time being without your S.O. by your side. Why do you want to do this NOW?
How long have you known this person for? You have hopefully known each other for some time before starting your LDR, and that’s a big benefit. Having a long distance relationship during college years with someone you just met is a very, very, very BAD idea 🙂
Do you see your future with this person? Can you see yourselves having a future together once you both finish college? Would you want to live together? Do you see yourself staying with your partner 10 years down the line?
Do you really want to continue the relationship? It’s the time for honesty with yourself and your partner. Entering a relationship because you are trying to be nice or willing to postpone the tension of analyzing this question at a later date could be the worst thing you could do to your partner. Be sure of your intentions well before you take that next step.
Why would you do this to yourself?! Just kidding. But let’s admit: it’s not going be easy, so unless both of you are willing to put in 100% of work, one of you will end up hurt.
I think there are two sides to long distance relationship during college years.
Experiences during college years make big influence to your character. That’s when you have the craziest time of your life with nights you dance away at the bar followed by productive days with help of many cups of espresso.
If you get into a relationship with your far-away partner, you might limit yourself from going out and having fun because you don’t want to miss a Skype call/don’t want to disappoint your partner/are on the bus to their college/are missing your sweetie too much to do anything.
On another hand, enjoying the college life doesn’t mean that you have to be “single and ready to mingle”. Being in a distant relationship allows you to discover yourself as an individual without leaving your relationship, but only if you manage to find the balance, and don’t let your relationship hold you back from having a satisfying college experience.
Keep in mind: your relationship status does NOT restrict you from making friends, contacts, going out with friends, or learning something you’ve been wanting to for a long time.
You have decided to make it work. What’s next?
There will be jealousy. Get used to seeing your partner’s pictures with his/her new friends having fun together (and many of them will be opposite sex). Your babe will feel just as jealous about your experiences as you do. What about being open about it and learning how to deal with it when the situation arises? Read here on how to deal with jealousy in an LDR.
There will be misunderstandings which will turn into fights (and vice versa). You will need to master your communication online so you avoid miscommunication as much as possible.
The first weeks after separation suck! You will find yourself being miserable for days until you find a way to “substitute” your partner (the most popular ways are watching Netflix, eating, reading books, learning something new etc). LDR doesn’t really become easy. You just find the ways to deal with it in the most effective ways for you.
The biggest disadvantage of college LDRs: there is a high chance that your personalities will change (which is normal during this phase) which might result in growing apart.
There are advantages, too:
Even thought everybody tends to talk about LDRs as they are something that never survive, they actually do. (I feel that the majority of people who have extremely negative opinions about love over miles, never been in a LDR).
You discover yourself as an individual. You will make new friends separately, get yourself out of your comfort zone, learn to enjoy your time alone etc.
You have more time to concentrate on your studies – IF you manage to plan your time properly and avoid the mistake of skipping all the fun the college life can offer because of Skype calls with your partner.
Find the balance in talking to each other and visiting each other. Set some rules. It doesn’t sound good, but being aware of what’s accepted or not by your partner might save some trouble in the future.
You can actually have a lot of fun during your college years (not talking about flings).
Learn to compromise. Any relationship requires quite a bit of compromise, but a long distance relationship teaches you that your relationship will go nowhere unless both sides compromise.
If you want to know the things I loved about the phase when I was in a long distance relationship, read this article.
A long distance relationship is the hardest experience you might get yourself into, and doing it during college years is much more complicated and risky. I always say to friends: the time I spent in a distant relationship was the toughest experience of my life. But the man I’ve done it for was worth every day of waiting. Do it ONLY if you are sure about the person! Share your experience if you are/were in a LDR during college years below!