Unfortunately, jealousy might be one of the most damaging problems you will face in your relationship, if you don’t learn how to overcome it.
This article will (hopefully) help you to deal with long distance relationship jealousy.
It’s normal to feel jealous- especially when you’re not in physical contact with your lover. Having jealous thoughts of the people who are able to physically see your partner will happen. In some cases, it might even be good. I can still picture my boyfriend’s smile when I became jealous- he takes it as assurance of being the number one desire in my world.
However, if you tend to get paranoid often and if your jealousy has no limits (you have to set limits!), you shouldn’t expect smiles.
I wasn’t the type of girlfriend whose blood was boiling every time my boyfriend went out. Well, to be honest, it didn’t start that way :). I will share my own jealousy-overcoming tactics that I came up with during my two years of being in a long distance relationship.
I hope using some of my advice might help you to create your own recipe for a successful and happy long distance relationship:
#1: Think About The Reasons.
Look at the situation from the outside- are you jealous because you can’t be a part of a certain activity? Are there clearer signs such as your partner constantly disappearing, not answering your calls, not letting you know what are they up to or is one friend (of the opposite sex) is constantly accompanying them?
If you think that your jealousy has occurred for valid, serious reasons, you should talk to your partner.
#2: Take Precaution!
I don’t really believe in pre-setting rules of do’s and don’ts. Based on my experience, limitations develop over time and also might change depending on your perspective. However, if you know that some particular action would be totally unacceptable by you, let your partner know.
#3: Be Open.
Even if you know your jealousy doesn’t make sense, I believe it’s better to let your partner know how you’re feeling. I used to try and hide my negative emotions, but my questionable mood used to lead us to big arguments. If there is something what makes you feel uncomfortable and jealous, open up to your partner.
If they care and want you to have a peaceful time, they will definitely try and find a compromise or let you know there are no reasons for the emotions you’re feeling.
#4: Awareness.
Don’t allow your fantasy to take over and waste your time. Instead, calm down and ask questions. If your partner is going out for a birthday party and there will be people of the opposite sex there, you don’t need to freak out. If you want to know more details, you have the right to ask. In my case, my boyfriend knew that I would feel happy to see his message few times during his night out. He made a conscious effort to do that and it was enough to keep me calm during “those nights”.
#5: Admit That You Can’t Control Them.
Understand and admit to yourself that jealousy or any other negative feelings doesn’t give you the access to control your partner’s actions or thoughts. Your jealousy is pointless if your goal is to change your partner’s behavior. Understand that they should love, adore and value you because of the way you are- with your charm and flaws, but it does not mean you should allow flaws, like being jealous, develop to a level where you can’t control it anymore.
#6: Do Something Productive.
Uncontrollable jealousy is a waste of time- it destroys your mood and self-confidence. If you understand that your jealousy doesn’t make sense, you should try to avoid getting into a cycle of destructive thoughts. Think about any activity which will help you to calm down and do it regularly. Swimming, running, writing, kickboxing- just let that energy go in any other way- trust me, it helps 🙂
#7: Talk To Yourself.
Yes, that’s right. Admit to yourself, on a regular basis, that what you feel is not needed and based on your own insecurities. These negative thoughts come from within and the change will also come from within. YOU have to work on it, not your partner. Over time, after re-affirming these thoughts to yourself, you will begin repairing the underlying causes of your jealously. If you really need someone to help you figure out your feelings and become aware of the issues, talk to a good friend.
#8: Enjoy Your Time.
Use your free time for your friends and family instead of going down negative thought paths. You love your partner and should nurture your relationship. Spending as much time as possible with loved ones helps you avoid having the free time to think destructively.
When in a long distance relationship, there are quite a few issues you need to deal with- jealousy is just one. Remember, any problem can be solved by talking, opening your heart and letting your partner know what you feel. The only way to develop a strong long distance relationship is by building it with trust and communication.