The purpose of this article is to help you answer your doubts and decide if it is worth getting into a new long distance relationship.
The world seems to be getting smaller- taking a flight is becoming as easy as a bus ride and more people tend to get into long distance relationships (aka modern relationships).
You might be asking yourself: “are long distance relationships worth it” because you might be facing one situation from the following options:
1. You have been friends for a while and you started developing the feelings while you are living apart.
2. You have been having a relationship and one of you has to move for work.
3. You’ve met someone online or during your vacation or business trip.
When I look back, I think I was quite lucky to know my man as my best friend before we became lovers- the fact that I knew him so well gave me the courage to commit to a long distance relationship without us having any future plans. Both of us moved abroad, me to India and him to China- there was a lot of uncertainty. Would have I jumped into an LDR with a person I didn’t know so well? Honestly, I don’t think so…
I know it’s not an easy call, especially, if you met someone who cares, shows attention, is helpful- someone close to being Mr/Ms Perfect. I will try to list out the major obstacles in LDR which should help you to stay rational and evaluate if you will be able to get through them before you make a commitment:
#1: Lack of HUGS, Cuddling & Sex.
Your relationship will be based on building an emotional connection. Figure out how often you will be able to meet. Every two weeks or every two months- it doesn’t matter, but you need to have a vision how you are going to make it work.
#2: Possibility of Growing Apart.
Work, friends, pace of life in addition to any time differences and you have difficulties arranging an online date. Before you commit to an LDR, you should reach a common agreement around what type of communication is needed from both sides. How much is not enough? When one side feels unfulfilled or unattended to, the relationship will get harder. Anticipate how often you’ll want Skype dates- both you and your partner need productive long distance communication and maybe some naughty games, too (helps with problem #1) 🙂
#3: Difficulty to Find The Subjects to Talk About.
Don’t try to talk continuously- find a balance and find what kind of communication works for both of you. In the meantime, learn how to enjoy your life. Unfortunately your partner is not able to share as much physical time with you as they would like, but you are not alone out there! There are almost 15 million couples in the US who define themselves as being in long distance relationship. Long distance couples actually have more than others: you have a loving partner, who believes that your love wins against the distance, and for the meantime, you have all the time for yourself. You don’t need to compromise with anyone- take advantage of that opportunity!
#4: (Almost) No Savings.
Regardless of the distance between you, you will try to use every opportunity to meet and make every date special and exceptional. This will cost you as any other holiday would, but it will (hopefully) be happening much more often. There is no solution to this problem. You just have to accept the fact- long distance relationships are costly- both emotionally and financially. However, when it’s totally worth it, you just know it 🙂
#5: An Existing Bond is PROBABLY Necessary.
Proximity (the more we see them, the more likely we are to be attracted) is one of the main factors of attraction, the other ones being the looks, the mutuality of liking each other and similarity in attitudes, experiences and interests.
If you met your partner recently and you think you could possibly become exclusive, there is a high risk that the feelings are short-lived and not stable. I know that may be hard to hear, but honestly looking at the foundation of the relationship now will save many heartaches in the future. If there is no deep connection built up, one of you might start crushing on other people (that you are physically closer to).
Ask yourself if you will be able to stay committed throughout this time when you are apart and if your SO is ready to have this commitment too.
Well, there is no friendship or relationship without misunderstandings, but it is much more difficult to solve them whenever live communication is not involved. You must both learn to be more patient, understanding and compassionate to make it through your LDR. In the end, this is actually beneficial. You can read more about personal benefits and how to love your LDR here.
#7: One of You Eventually Will Have to Move.
My sister was in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend for a year(!) until they both finally had a serious talk about their future plans. They figured out that he would never want to move to Lithuania, where she lives, and she would never agree to leave the country. That’s where the relationship ended.
If you are both serious about entering a long distance relationship, talk and become aware of each other’s dreams, plans, and expectations as soon as you can. Ideally- before you start your journey as a couple.
There is no answer way to know if your LDR will work- there is no formula to make it happen. It’s not easy. Actually, it’s very tough, but possible. Make sure you are prepared before you enter one and your chance of success is much higher!