During the bittersweet phase of your long distance relationship, you will notice there will be quite a bit of negativity coming your way. The source of it might be your friends, random folks you meet at restaurants or bars, and, unfortunately, even family.
The truth is, some people are just not able to digest the thought of being with someone while not being physically together. Don’t blame them. It’s hard to understand dynamics of these relationships unless you get into one. I remember repeating over and over again that I would never have a relationship with someone who lives in a different city… Until I fell for a man who was about to move to another country and I realized that I preferred to have a relationship over a distance than no relationship at all.
Other people might just want to small talk by asking how you and your sweetheart are doing, but without meaning anything bad. The problem is that all those questions immediately draw you into sadness. Future plans, handling the distance, moving in together… For someone they are just a matter of curiosity, but for you they are reminders why you are not together yet.
For those in long distance relationships, you need to be prepared for how annoying people around you can get with their questions. And, I hope you find new and effective ways on how to deal with them.
For those, who aren’t in a LDR, here’s a list of questions you SHOULDN’T ask.
Most annoying long distance relationship questions:
#1 How does it feel to have such a big distance between you two?
I remember feeling physical pain whenever I used to fly back home after visiting my boyfriend. The first few days after returning home used to be awful. I needed time to get used to being alone again.
The rest of the time, the distance feels completely fine. You work out a certain routine online which makes you forget the miles.
#2 Is it really a relationship if you don’t even see each other?
We communicate every day, support each other, and, above all, chose to be in a trusting and committed relationship. That’s why it is a relationship. Having relationships without living in a same ZIP code is a great challenge for both sides, there is no need to make them feel bad by questioning it.
#3 How do you actually manage it?
How do we manage what? I feel like asking in return: “How do you actually manage your everyday life? How do you make it through your day?”
#4 What are you going to do when it ends?
I will be in a no-distance-relationship once my LDR ends. What are you going to do when your relationship ends?
#5 Have you thought about breaking up?
Yes, it’s easier to get caught up in a cycle of bad emotions, especially when you have an argument or feel bad because you miss them so much and getting a hug is impossible. It’s nothing bad to get negative at times, especially because it’s not so easy (and takes more time) to solve issues because the best thing you can do is get on a Skype call. Or, even riskier … message each other.
#6 Do you miss him all the time?
Well, yes. I think about him almost all the time, because I dream about sharing all of my experiences with him – from crazy adventures to the silence when doing nothing on a Sunday afternoon.
#7 Why haven’t you closed the distance yet?
I feel that those without a LDR experience don’t understand the seriousness of this question. There are few things we need to do beforehand: decide the country we’d like to settle in, who has less ties with their current place, what are the necessary preparations before moving (quit the job, learn the language, look for a new job, save up some money…)
And, most importantly, decide if the other person is worth the chance to spend our lives together. This might take years, not months.
I never used to get into too much detail behind those decisions. I used to say: “As you can see, no. But you will surely know once we finally do.”
#8 Wouldn’t it be easier to be single?
For me, easiness of being single doesn’t overtake security, fulfillment, motivation, support, warmth, and happiness I get being with this person, even if he lives countries away.
#9 Why don’t you find someone here?
If I wanted to find anyone, I would do that. But I found my one and only who happened to live in another country. And he is worth it.
#10 Oh, you are going to see him AGAIN…
Yes, and it shouldn’t be very surprising- you get to see your partner every night. Seeing my partner once a month shouldn’t cause any surprise…
#11 Hi! How is your long distance relationship going?
It is one of the most irritating questions for me.
People, who haven’t seen you for a while, tend to jump onto this question before even asking how you are. It feels as if they are expecting to hear that something big happened (like you’re moving, broken up etc.). I never ask my friends who are in regular relationships how are they doing with said relationships. I know that they will share whatever details they want (if at all).
I kept repeating “It’s okay’ answer whenever I used to hear this question until I stopped hearing it.
#12 Don’t you miss sex?
I do. But we live in modern times and connecting with one another is much easier.
#13 How do you have sex?
How do YOU have sex?
LDRs are challenging not only because you don’t see each other (like it’s not making the situation hard enough!), but also because people around you put on a lot of extra pressure without knowing it. Don’t take it too seriously or blame them. What matters in the end is your happiness. And you are not responsible for everyone else’s comfort on your decisions.