Anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship will know the bitter truth of how miserable things can get when it comes to solving problems while living in different zip codes. Arguments seem to be more serious, compromises are harder to be found, taking an initiative and just going to hug your sweetheart is nearly impossible. To make things worse, chances of make-up sex are NONE. In general, long distance relationships require a significantly bigger amount of effort than the normal one.
If you have a feeling your relationship is in crisis mode, or you are on the verge of a break-up, don’t make hasty conclusions or follow through on actions that can’t be fixed.
So, where to start if you want to save a long distance relationship?
Answer yourself: what led your relationship there? One of the biggest long distance relationship cons is that even the smallest fight has a possibility to turn out into a thunderstorm. Think about the starting point: did your partner not FaceTime with you as often as you wanted, and that lead you to thinking they might be cheating on you? Or, are you afraid they are not willing to live in the same place in the future because they never talk about it?
On another hand, maybe it’s them who used to repeat “I want to be together with you as often as I can” and then it slowly turned into a never-ending series of complaints: you didn’t call, you couldn’t come to visit them, you didn’t have time to message and you just became not enough for them?
Before you start working on the issue, you need be honest with yourself — Have you been behaving as if your partner “belongs” to you? And if you did, it could explain why your partner started feeling a lack of freedom and thinking that they might be happier without you. Think about a possible change in yourself and your behavior.
Always apply a “NO silent treatment” policy. Silence is the worst thing you could possibly do to your relationship and long distance lover. The truth is, all of us tend to get into dark fantasies if we are worried about something (even if we deny it!). Silence over distance will only get your partner worried AND make them question if you already on your way out.
Prepare yourself to work. Remember, problems won’t get fixed if only one person is willing to put in the effort. Any relationship requires a lot of patience, work, and compromise from both sides. If you want to bring your relationship back to a happy and loving state again, try to understand if your partner is willing to walk an extra mile for that.
Speak out! Talk about everything that is causing a problem. Listen to how your partner perceives the situation and try to identify the problem. In many long distance relationship arguments your issue might end up here. If you have a majority of your communication on emails or text messages, there is a high chance you are both having a simple miscommunication.
When you talk, don’t put the blame on your partner. Never say “It’s all your fault!” Even if you think so, explain the reasons why they might have done something wrong. Hearing critics is not very pleasant, but if it happens, you might thank your lover later for pointing out your faults and helping your relationship flourish again!
Tell each other what would make both of you happy (-ier). If you reached the stage of identifying the problems, congratulations – you are done with the hardest stage! Agree to discuss what each of you think is best way to solve the problem. Do not be scared if what you both want is different (it will most probably be totally opposite!). Don’t overreact, thinking that you are already making the correct conclusions. Relax, share what worries or makes you happy -give each other one more opportunity to get to know each other better.
Be ready to compromise. Imagine a possible problem in long distance relationships: E.g. your partner loves clubbing and, over time, it led you to feeling insecure, depressed, and questioning if he/she is faithful to you. It must feel terrible to doubt your partner, and for your partner to feel untrusted.
Should your partner stop going out, or it’s you who needs to start fighting your own internal battle, trying to accept the fact that your sweetheart won’t change? Both options might surely lead to a break-up.
Instead, your partner could try sending pictures (texts, voice messages, or, if typing gets too hard, emojis … Thank you, WhatsApp!) during their clubbing night? That way you would feel calmer because you know what your partner is up to. In the meantime, you need to work on yourself so you don’t make a big deal out of your partner going out again in the future.
Also, virtual clubbing date is totally possible and indeed quite fun! You can go out too and have a contest of each of you spotting the worst dancer in the club and sharing videos with each other!
Commit by hearing each other out and reach a solution which feels like good starting point for both of you.
Keep up to your commitments. If you promise something to each other- start immediately, and keep in mind that we receive what we give. Show them that they make you happy, strong, and confident and vice versa. Be their supporting pillar, not the discouraging power.
The secret of a happy relationship is quite simple: none of you own each other, and if you feel that your relationship is slowly being poisoned by constantly demanding, questioning, complaining, and arguing, maybe all you need is a change in your own attitude?